Jasmine Hart

Heehee. I like this. It's fresh and it flows very well. Your rhythm is very good. I'd put "It's bad for you" in inverted commas, as you're quoting. I'm not ...

I liked this, it's something along the lines of what I expected to happen. I agree that quoting the prophecy at this point doesn't really work. I loved the sixth ...

Brigid "Siofra!" I hissed. "What are you up to?" She didn't answer, but I knew that she was just feigning sleep. I sighed in exasperation, tempted to throw something at ...

:D Thanks Snoink, that was really entertaining. So, just start with an argument? Might give that a go...

This was really lovely. I agree with Claudette about punctuation, and your imagery really is very good. I love the sibilance of "silently sigh". It sort of made it sound ...

You're magic, you know that? This was amazing. I love your imagery, and the flow is beautiful. Stanza five is my favourite, and I love the fourth line there. I'd ...

Wow. Thanks Nate! That was amazing.

I like this. You have a lovely writing style. You had a good rhythm here and your rhyming was great. You related this very well, and your development was execellent. ...

My heart is an untrained homing pigeon. It will not return once I set it free, Or swoop to avoid head-on collision, Or show the slightest loyalty to me. It ...

This is nice overall. Your enjambment, rhythm and rhyme are good for the most part, and I liked the pace,but I have a couple of minor nitpicks... I'm not sure ...

I like your theme here, and I agree that the last stanza is your best. I really enjoyed the imagery. Actually, I really liked the first verse.I felt I could ...

This version is better, I think. I'm not sure "darkest" works, I think it makes the line sound too long-winded... The second verse is better now, though I'm not sure ...

It's lovely, but I think that some of your phrases jar a little, eg "latches"and "launches". I think you could use better words here. Overall it flowed nicely, and your ...

I love the first two lines, but I agree with Kit about the third, it felt like a little bit of a let down. I'm seriously impressed by how much ...

It's nice, but I think that some of your rhythm is out in places.Maybe change line four to "across the strands of time.", and "never undone" to "not undone", and ...